Allow me to introduce...

Pandarilla Jazzhands!

It's a trap.

Nikki is awesome and we love her now even more than we did before. She's one of those rare people that you meet and realize are just as wacky and inane as yourself, so you hit it off without preamble and pretend to still be friends with the person who introduced you just so there's a chance you'll hang out again. Just kidding, Chris.

And it's not Panda-rill-a, like pretty, pretty princess Cinderella. It's Panda-ree-a, like a quesadilla, because Puerto Ricans make the best drag queens, or at least the best drag queen contestants.

With Nikki's picture as a guide, we'll put together a stuffed panda bear with a blond wig, red heels and a green sequined dress to make an appearance in some of our road trip photos. Do they even make doll wigs? It seems rather silly. Maybe I'll just scalp an American Girl.

UPDATE: It's been decided that we need to make a Build-A-Bear with a sound thing-mbober in it so that when a cop pulls us over for speeding or for being from out of state or for almost swerving into oncoming traffic because we were too busy ogling the textured findings from our nose (true story... it's sooo awkward), we can shove Pandarilla Jazzhands out the window as the cop walks up and have her shriek:

"I'm Pandariilllla Jazzhands! Please don't arrest me! ... IT'S A TRAP."

Although on second thought, having her tell a cop that something's a trap before he even knows what's going on doesn't seem like a wise decision. But she's blonde, so I guess one shouldn't expect any common sense like that from her anyway.

UPDATE, AGAIN: I asked Ang what the hell she was talking about with the swerving into oncoming traffic:

It is awkward.

Because you know they're looking at you for being an asshole and totally watching you as you pull your finger out of your nose. And then you can't help but look at it to see what you got, and they see that too.

You can feel the disgust.