Shitcago: Part II

Our first real stop was Chicago, Illinois. Cranky and tired, we arrived early Sunday morning to a dirty, smelly, smog-filled cesspit devoid of human life. Seriously, we saw maybe ten cars in the first half hour and fewer people. It was too early for deep dish pizza so we mapped a route to Panera Bread instead.

I think Chicago sensed Britt's disapproval as soon as we entered city limits and decided to fuck with our GPS, causing it to lag or show us as two blocks away from our actual position or claim we were magically cutting diagonally through city blocks. Add to this one way streets, road closures and subsequent lack of detours, and we ended up driving in circles in the wrong lane and being laughed at by locals.

Eventually we paid almost ten dollars to park for an hour and a half on a sketchy street next to sketchy people in that sketchy, godforsaken place. Then it all changed. One block we were between steaming sewers and under graffiti-covered train tracks, and the next we were sitting beside people with lattes and laptops. Talk about juxtaposition.

It so happened that we were across the street from Millennium Park, home of the Giant Metal Jellybean:

It's probably licorice flavored. I loathe licorice.

As well as Chicago's Shower For The Homeless:

Nothing I could possibly say would make this photo more awkward than it already is.

Leaving Chicago was just as difficult as navigating our way through it. Here is a map to illustrate our frustrated attempt to retreat.

Lake Michigan is locally known as The Giant Toilet Bowl.