HONK! HONK! HONK! WHOOOP! WHOOOP! WHOOOP! WHOOOP!
Then she starts jumping up and down. All I see her head bobbing up and down the length of the car, her eyes were wide with terror, just silently jumping up and down back and forth alongside the car as I hear it unlock and lock again rapidly as she tried to figure out how to shut off the panic alarm.
"HIT IT AGAIN! HIT IT AGAIN!!"
Then it stopped.
"JESUS CHRIST. I knew that trunk button was way too hard to push."
Goddammit, B.
Anyway. We walk up the path to Sunset Point, and the view was great, but for some reason Bryce Canyon is filled with French people, and the two behind us were not using their Sunrise Voices. They conversed loudly in their obnoxious, nasally, frou-frou language behind us the entire time while rustling bags and eating loudly.
We ended moving to another spot (which had an even better view, ha!), and watched the sunrise with our chipmunk buddy.
Me: Nevada would be great if it weren't for the French people.
Britt: We're in Utah.
Me: Holy shit, when did we get to Utah?
Britt: After we crossed through Arizona.
Me: When the hell did we cross through Arizona?
Britt: Right around the time I told you we were leaving Nevada.
Bryce was the prettiest park we saw, and we regret not being able to spend more time there. We probably could have, but we had to flee the French. The rock formations in Bryce are called "Hoodoos" and they look like penises.
Magnum. XXXXXXL. |
B was on deer watch while I drove, and she hollered that there was another herd of deer to the right. I pulled over, but it was just a bunch of deer butts.
She rolled down the window.
"WAAAAAAGHHH OOOOUP OOOOUP WHEEEOWWW WHEEOOOWWW"
But she sucks at deer watch. We were driving along, and there was a deer to the right. I slowed down to a stop, and B looked out her window to see a deer within arms reach. She screamed, the deer jumped, and both of them freaked out. She got mad at the deer for surprising her, so she started yelling at it again.
"YOU LOOKIN' AT ME?! YOU. LOOKIN'. AT. ME?! I CAN TAKE YOU! YOU GOT NOTHIN'!"
Deer: "What the fuck is her problem?" |
Further up, there was a beautiful buck with a giant rack of antlers. B nervously grabbed the camera, and the deer stared at her as she lowered the window. As she took pictures, she asked it not to charge her, and told me to keep the foot on the gas.
Turns out it was in neutral, but the deer didn't try to kill her, so she doesn't need to know that. We eventually got to the end of the drive, and went to the first viewpoint.
Bryce delivers. |
You know what they were all staring at?
Tourists. |
Can't imagine why... |
We tried explaining, but we don't speak frou-frou. |
Raaarrrghhhttt! |
This is mah squid face. Or the constipated one. Can't remember. |
The French are coming! I can smell them! To the Batmobile! |
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